Should You Have "Relationship Non Negotiables" and How to Discuss Them With Your Partner
Create a stronger bond by discussing your relationship non-negotiables.
Love is both beautiful and complex in relationships.
In my journey as a relationship coach, I've witnessed firsthand the profound impact of understanding and navigating what we call "relationship non-negotiables."
These are the foundational elements that can make or break a relationship, and understanding and respecting their significance is vital for creating and maintaining a lasting and meaningful connection.
In this blog, we will unravel the layers of relationship non-negotiables, exploring why they are so important for couples seeking to understand each other better and how to discuss them with their partner.
What are Relationship Non-Negotiables?
Before we talk more about non-negotiables, let's first understand what they are.
Relationship non-negotiables are the fundamental values, boundaries, and expectations individuals consider crucial for a healthy and successful partnership.
While relationships are full of compromises, these are the things one is unwilling to compromise on, as they form the core of what makes the connection meaningful and fulfilling. These boundaries or expectations allow you to feel valued, respected, and secure in your partnership.
They can range from personal values and life goals to deal-breakers that, if compromised, could crumble the foundation of the relationship.
Identifying and understanding these non-negotiables is crucial for individuals seeking to build a lasting connection, as they provide clarity and direction in navigating the complexities of a romantic partnership.
Examples of Relationship Non-Negotiables
These non-negotiables vary from person to person, reflecting each individual's unique needs, values, and goals in the relationship.
Here are some examples of common relationship non-negotiables:
Communication: An expectation for open, honest, and transparent communication.
Trust: The belief that trust is non-negotiable and should be the bedrock of the relationship.
Respect: A commitment to treating each other with dignity and respect.
Shared Values: Alignment in fundamental values such as family, religion, or life goals.
Personal Growth: A mutual understanding and support for individual growth and development.
Financial Compatibility: Agreement on financial goals, spending habits, and attitudes toward money.
Loyalty: Expectation of loyalty and fidelity in the relationship.
Emotional Support: A need for emotional support during challenging times.
Quality Time: Valuing and prioritizing quality time spent together.
Conflict Resolution: A commitment to resolving conflicts in a healthy and constructive manner.
These non-negotiables vary from person to person, reflecting each individual's unique needs and values in the relationship.
Why Relationship Non-Negotiables Matter
Understanding the importance of relationship non-negotiables is key to building a foundation for a lasting connection.
These non-negotiables act as guiding principles, helping you navigate the ups and downs of a relationship. They provide a sense of security, ensuring that both partners are on the same page when it comes to core values and expectations.
Identifying YOUR Non-Negotiables
Now that we've established the significance of relationship non-negotiables let's discuss how to identify them.
Reflect on your values, priorities, and long-term goals.
What aspects of a relationship are non-negotiable for you? Considering the following might help you to identify these:
Past Learnings: What made you happy or uncomfortable in past relationships?
Values: What do honesty, loyalty, and respect mean to you?
Deal-Breakers: What actions would be a clear no-go for you?
Emotional Needs: What emotional support do you need?
Future Goals: How do your goals align with a relationship? Do you see children in the near future? Buying a house? Moving to a new city?
Communication Style: How do you like to communicate?
Independence vs. Togetherness: How much space and time do you need?
Conflict Style: How do you handle conflicts?
Lifestyle Compatibility: Do your daily habits align?
Self-Growth: How important is personal growth for you?
Answering these simple questions helps pinpoint your non-negotiables, guiding the way to relationships that truly match your needs and values.
How to Discuss Non-Negotiables With Your Partner
The real challenge lies in communicating these non-negotiables to your partner effectively. Start by creating an open and honest space for conversation. Utilize "I" statements to express your feelings and values without sounding accusatory. For example, say, "I value honesty in our relationship" instead of "You never tell the truth."
Encourage your partner to share their non-negotiables as well. Remember, this is a dialogue, not a monologue.
What If My Partner Disagrees With My Non-Negotiables?
It's normal to have differences. The key is finding compromise where possible and determining if your values align in the long run. Open communication is crucial here, even if it takes work.
When Is The Right Time to Discuss Non-Negotiables in a Relationship?
Ideally, these discussions should happen as the relationship becomes more serious. However, it's never too late to have these conversations as people and relationships evolve.
What’s important is that you communicate what you need to your partner no matter how far into the relationship.
Can Non-Negotiables Change Over Time?
Absolutely. As individuals grow and evolve, so do their values. It's essential to revisit these discussions periodically to ensure alignment.
How Do I Handle Discovering a Non-Negotiable Later in The Relationship?
It’s very common to discover a boundary or expectation well into a relationship; don’t panic. Be sure to approach the conversation with empathy.
Share your newfound realization and be open to discussing how it may impact the relationship moving forward.
Nurturing a Relationship With Non-Negotiables in Mind
Once you and your partner have laid out your non-negotiables, the journey doesn't end there. It's about respecting and honoring these values in your daily interactions.
Regular check-ins can help ensure that both partners feel heard and understood, fostering a relationship that stands the test of time.
On this journey of understanding and embracing your relationship non-negotiables, remember that seeking guidance from a trained professional can be immensely beneficial. You will gain valuable insights, tools, and a safe space to explore and communicate your non-negotiables effectively.
As a coach educated in the Gottman Method and trained as a Somatic Practitioner and Sex and Relationship Coach, I provide couples with empowered, action-oriented coaching beyond traditional therapy. I address the mind-body connection, allowing couples to foster a deeper, more meaningful connection that stands the test of time.
I believe in each partner developing the ability to advocate for themselves to ensure their needs are met for a happier, healthier relationship.
If you are ready to reach this deeper level of connection in your relationship, please book a consultation with me so we can work through this journey together!
